How To Move Cross-Country (Shitty Advice)

I recently moved 1000 miles from the buckle of the bible belt to the land of giant belt buckles. If I learned anything about moving while dragging along a woman and our two kids successfully, you won’t find it here.

In no order that I care to sort these, here are the steps to take before, during, and after your big move:

1. You probably have a decent job and have been saving up your extra cash to get ready but unless you are educated or experienced in a high demand position in the city you want to relocate you need to just simply quit your job. Chances are you put in some applications on some HR website for some places you think you might find work but they aren’t going to call you while you live so far away. What are you going to do? Skype an interview for a retail management position? Probably not going to happen. Just quit your decent job, abandon your health benefits and measly company paid 401k and get out of Dodge.

2. If you are into hoarding shit like a good Christian consumer in America you will need to rent a sizeable moving truck to get all of your coffee table books, gadgets, towel sets, sofas, televisions, desks, dining tables, lamps, tools, fleshlights, and cars to your new city. Take a stab in the dark about what size truck you’ll need. Get the biggest one if you’re not sure but if you’re feeling adventurous, get the small 1-2 bedroom truck. Cram as much of your shit as you can in there and give the rest of it away on Craigslist. If you have a cool landlord you might get away with just leaving all your leftover junk in your place and he’ll sell it at his next community yard sale and not give you back your deposit.

3. Don’t bother asking your friends for help with loading or unloading your junk. They won’t come anyway. No one wants to be paid in beer and pizza for straining their backs and loading boxes that are ready to rip into your truck.

3a. Make sure you have plenty of Tylenol or Advil handy (or if you’re a baller, get some Lortab) and take it every 4-6 hours alternating between brands while you pack, load, drive, unload, and for the next week after. You’re going to be in a lot of pain. Hide your tears of pain from your kids and wife/girl. Men only cry for dogs and dead relatives.

4. Spend the entire weekend before your move partying with your friends. Drink a lot of booze, stay up late, sleep in late, and do not worry about packing. You can do all of that at the last moment. It makes it more thrilling.

5. Drive all the way to your destination. Especially if it’s more than 12 hours away. Your moving truck, despite taking unleaded fuel and having decent A/C, will not have cruise control. When you hit any sort of incline your speed is going to drop 20mph and the truckers hauling loads will laugh as they cruise past you in their 20-gear rigs.

5a. Since you won’t have cruise control, you’ll need to come up with a system to wedge your foot on the gas in such a way that you don’t get too comfortable and let your foot slip, knocking down your constant speed. I put my seat as far forward as I could stand comfortably so that my knee was on the knee bolster under the steering wheel causing my upper leg to push back into my seat which gave my foot the ability to stay grounded. You’ll need it.

5b. For real, be safe. Press your brake way before you need it. Make sure you don’t wedge your leg so that you can’t get your foot over to the brake. Or at least get comfortable using your left leg for braking. Not recommended but might work for you.

6. Stick to truck stops like Love’s, TA, Flying J, or Pilot. Sometimes they even have showers for some quick sexy time if you or some stranger are into contracting hepatitis. Truckers are lonely, maybe you can help them relieve some tension for some quick cash.

7. Whenever you see a burger joint or taco stand you haven’t eaten at in a while or ever, stop and enjoy a bite. I grew up in California so whenever I see an In-N-Out Burger I’m obligated to stop for a Cheesburger animal style, fries, and a Neapolitan milk shake. You might enjoy a country fried steak at Cracker Barrel if you’re not from the south and are craving some country goodness. You will stop twice as much as you would had you loaded up on healthy, protein heavy snacks since you’ll have the shits. The price you pay for a good move, my friend.

8. Stay hydrated. I choose coffee or sugar-free Red Bull when possible. If there’s a good deal on them, I’ll get a Monster coffee drink. Full of vitamins, yum!

9. Multiply your drive time by 1.5. If Google says it takes 10 hours to drive from your old place to your new city, it’s going to take 15 in your truck with your horrible gas mileage, no cruise control, and all the neat fun stops your going to make and crazy people you’ll talk to.

10. Try to have a place to stay when you get into town. We were lucky enough to be moving close to family so we’re going to mooch off of them for a while. I really don’t know what you’d do if you were moving to a new city without job prospects or a place to stay so…get creative I guess. But if you’re moving near family. Get your mooch on and don’t be shy.

11. The first week after you get into town you’ll be unemployed and possibly living with family. Possibly storing all your junk in a family member’s garage or in a mini-storage facility. Now’s the time to party and act like you’re on vacation before the sad reality of unemployment kicks in. Be sure to do this fast so that you’re not too concerned about your money situation. After a week you’re going to wake up and realize you aren’t doing anything with your life and sink into a downward spiral or sadness and unemployment.

11a. Apply for social benefits through your state’s health department. See if you qualify for food stamps and/or medicaid. If you do, and you will if you are female (especially with kids), eat Papa Murphy’s for dinner every god damned chance you get. They are considered grocery in most states and take EBT cards/SNAP benefits. It’s true. Sometimes apply’s for take out at Subway too. You can’t get better than that unless you just love buying cheap shit from Wal-Mart like all the other sad saps.

12. Application bomb everything you can think of. You’ll likely have to go through an HR website so don’t expect much but at least you can tell your concerned friends and family members that you’re not just facebooking, you’re also job searching.

Well, that’s about it folks. It’s a long list but it will get you where you need to go in life to some degree. It hasn’t failed me. I’ve been here not even a week and I start a new job tomorrow. If I can do it, so can you.


Blue-Pill Alphas In the Heart of Texas

[For the sake of ease of writing, I’m going to refer to my main girl’s family as my in-laws since they consider us married (we aren’t) and we tend to publicly present as such and we have kids together – if you don’t understand, read my “about” page. If you still have questions, ask]

I have relocated to Texas after a decade in Tennessee to be closer to family and because, basically, I felt like my time was up and had used up my usefulness in there. Music wasn’t going anywhere as my short lived minor career fizzled a few years after moving there. Time for a change and what better place for me than Austin?

Music, family, girls, and beer.

Our first full day here we headed out of town to visit my brother-in-law. He, like is brothers and his dad before him, are very alpha in frame. Commands a room, very talkative, never shy, and you can sense that vibe. His wife wakes up to make him breakfast when he gets up at 4:30am. He holds on tight to his beliefs but doesn’t get scared or phased when confronted by someone with a different opinion.

The thing that plagues his beliefs is his blue-pill outlook on life. Very patriarchal in a Christian family structure operates with the idea that men have an obligation to cater to women.

Any man that wants to date any of his sisters is assumed a rapist. Very seriously treated as if a man in the family isn’t present while she is seeing a boyfriend that he will very much rape her.

This isn’t based on anything like bad neighborhoods or general, healthy racism. This is based on the fact that a boy is interested in a girl.

I use the example of a sister because it’s recent but it’s not just for family. This is his opinion and will give it to any man with a sister or daughter.

A girl gets pregnant? She better immediately marry the cretin and never divorce him. She slutted it up and doesn’t know who the father is? No abortion, no adoption; “that’s what family is for” to help raise the bastard child.

I’ve seen how being raise this way as affected the women in my “Wife’s” family. Her sisters have either fully embraced this outlook on life or have entirely rejected it for the lifestyle of promiscuous sex and/or serial monogamy, college education, and calling oneself a “Feminist”.

(calling out these girls on the “Feminist” label results in full hamster spin. They don’t actually follow feminism and quickly agree to red-pill ideas on biological reasons for the current SMP. Anyways, they’re fun to talk to for that reason).

@alpha_persona “Just because you’re an alpha doesn’t mean you automatically know what you’re doing.”

I Got a Girl

I loved this song when I first heard it way back when in the 90’s. Especially the part about vacuuming in the nude. Sounded like the perfect girl. If you listen to the lyrics, she seems to start shit and I can’t remember if he’s putting up with it or doing something about it.

Something else that got to me was after spending three minutes describing how cool she is “I got a girl blah blah blah blah” he ends the song with “and she’s got a guy”.

Is he twisting the whole song and pointing out that his girl is already taken? Or perhaps it’s all a fantasy? Or he’s the “guy”?

(The lead singer went on to start the hippy cult inspired mega band The Polyphonic Spree who writes cheesy anthems about love and shit)

on another note, I, my main girl, and our kids all moved to Austin, TX. We’re living a more “traditional” lifestyle as we settle in and look for work and school for the kids. I’m too broke to go out so I don’t expect much debauchery to come from my online dating adventures or picking up girls and whatnot. Perhaps I can hit up some local manosphere characters for a beer along the way.

How I Failed (and You Can Too!)

Self loathing stories from my past for you, my dear reader, to learn from if being the nice guy is your current game with the ladies.

This was years ago. I had been out of the house on my own for about two years after having picked up and moved across the country to a new city. I was working in a cafe that was popular with the young, fit college girls that lived in the neighborhood and went to school at one of the universities nearby. Great for meeting meeting pretty girls. Even if they had a boyfriend, those guys were miles, states, or countries away.

Mary was a short, cute daddy’s girl with glasses and an amazing ass. She knew how to cook, clean, and had even learned how to hunt deer. She and her obese roommate would come in everyday and flirt with me, but it was the single, obese roommate that would spend extra time on me. I entertained Obese Girl’s attention because it usually involved Mary. I quickly developed a crush on Mary knowing she had a boyfriend that lived several hundred miles and two states away. She was giving me good vibes that she was digging on me and I couldn’t get enough of her visually.

We started hanging out outside of work, first with Obese Girl tagging along. Driving around town with no destination in mind, listening to bands we mutually loved, and enjoying the high that comes when you’re feeling great hanging out with someone you like. Eventually Mary and I started hanging out without the obese third wheel. We’d chat on AIM and flirt on MySpace. She’d find me hanging out at a rival cafe (who wants to relax where they work?) and we’d kick it for hours.

But I didn’t escalate. She had a boyfriend and even though she was giving me clear signals that she liked me, I had to honor her relationship with her absent boyfriend. Gaaayyyy, I know.

It was clear as day. Even my friends joked that she was my in-town girlfriend.

It came to a moment that I’ll always remember in my chumpdom. 

The season premier for a popular-with-the-young-girls TV show at the time was coming up and we made plans to watch it together, alone, in her apartment. This was the night that I was going to confess my feelings for her and if she felt the same way we would join together as a couple and she would break up with her boyfriend. I felt that this was it. This would do the trick to get her to come to me.

That night rolled around. I had to work that afternoon and I had even brought a trimmer to work to clean up my stubble a little before showing up at her place. Boy was I nervous! I was about to open up my true feelings for this girl who obviously liked be back but must be waiting to make sure I liked to her too.

We watch the episode and have a good time. Laughter, snuggling, talking shit about her obese roommate.

The night was winding down so I knew this was it, I needed to tell her how I felt.

We were both standing in the front room of her apartment and without any warning on my part I just say it:

“Mary, I think it’s obvious that we get along so well together and we like each other. I know you have a boyfriend but I really like you and I think you like me too. I want to keep seeing you. What do you think?”


She was not ready for this. I just took all the energy out of the room. This was not what she wanted to hear. She wanted me to take her into her room and have her but instead I played my cards and jumped headfirst into the sexless in-town boyfriend zone. 

She agreed that she liked me but couldn’t do anything about it. She liked me a lot but we just need to stay friends. Her boyfriend was going to be visiting in a few weeks anyways.

I told her it was cool and that I’m glad that we can just be friends.

We hung out a few times more. I even tagged along when her boyfriend visited.

Not long after we drifted apart. I had started to get frustrated that I had turned into the guy that gives her unending attention when her boyfriend wasn’t around.

She’s married now to the guy. She’s still good looking from what I can tell on Facebook but she’s never responded to any messages I had sent afterwards of “hey, just seeing how you’re doing!”

Pure, full blown Beta game, guys.

This is how you take a gold, fucking GOLDEN opportunity and ruin it for yourself.

Women were this precious thing to shouldn’t be corrupted – even though she wanted me to make moves on her sexually

I was respecting her relationship – even though she was spending enormous amounts of time with another guy, me, and would never let her boyfriend know about me.

I made the move to pour my heart out to her so that we could both acknowledge our attraction and take the next step – even though all she was interested in, pre-friendzone, was the passion and physical connection that she wasn’t getting from her boyfriend. She was in college looking for the college experience for shit’s sake.

Here are my lessons learned

1. Any girl, regardless of relationship status, is game for a bang provided she’s going along with the seduction.

2. Telling a girl you like her does the opposite of what you, a nice guy, thinks it will do. Don’t tell her how you feel, show her how you feel with your tongue, hands, and when the moment comes, dick.

3. Classic beta advice shit: don’t be a celibate boyfriend. A girl is not your best friend. She is either pre-bang, post-bang, wing-girl, or entertainment. Anything more and you should be married to her and having daily sex while she stays home to raise the babies.

4. I like making lists after writing stories.

The Girl I Think I Want and the Girl I Get

There’s been a constant struggle within me since I started noticing and talking to girls years ago. My eyes are charmed by the quirky, layered clothes, jeans, Converse, cool looking girl that drinks beer, listens to the same music I do or can recommend new music that I’d like, perhaps she rides a bike, colors her hair.

The “hipster” girl.

She shows her value in shallow things and uses them as eye candy to distract from her flaws. A purse shaped like a turtle with “random” pin-buttons on them. Bangs cut flat just above her eyes.

I’ve been drawn to them since I started playing in bands in the 90’s. They were also my friends but as I didn’t know how to play the game and dance the dance that leads to sex with these girls, I was put in the friendzone rather quickly and it’s painfully obvious that I put myself there.

The problem with these girls, at least 15 years later, is that they seem to have common personality flaws. They’re irrationally combative, sarcastic – to the point where every sentence in a conversation is sarcasm, chatting with them goes no where because they are more interested in fighting than playing. I can start conversations with these girls just fine. Approaching is no problem and for “fitting in”,  I have a middle of the road dress style that fits in with the pseudo bohemian and the clean and classy look.

Whatever, I’m losing focus.

The thing is, I don’t want to put up with these girls and their poor personalities. I’m drawn to them based on this feeling of nostalgia for my past but these girls aren’t the same breed of broads I was crushing on in the late 90s.

BUT, the girl I do well with? She would be the hipster girl’s opposite, as it were. The girl with the summer dress, layered long hair, minimal – tasteful jewelry, and feminine physique; this is the girl that I flirt with naturally and build rapport and attraction with ease. She’s the girl that enthusiastically responds to my texts and agrees to meeting up for drinks.

Hipster girl? She bullshits around with me, sends me unfunny “ironic” texts, then ignores me as I push for a meetup.

It makes it easy to walk away from a girl like that luckily. She doesn’t want a good time, no problem for me.

Setting Limits and Making Decisions


An important thing for a former blue-pill man to remember as he has more girls enter his life and perhaps refelcts on his failed past relationships or marriage.

A woman will respond to a leader despite her initial protests, if any, to his decisions. And I’m not talking about being a  repressive selfish asshole. I mean, as a charismatic alpha male, doing what you want and having your girl follow you.

Two examples from my sordid lifestyle:

Last week I was out with a girl. We were having coffee and despite her every attempt to shit test me and control the evening, I wouldn’t let her. The conversations was going where I wanted it to go. I would straight up ignore a question that I didn’t want to answer and talk about something else. After we finished our drinks I took her hand and told her we were going on a walk in the neighborhood. She said she didn’t want to but she followed anyway. I pointed out some notable houses in the neighborhood that I knew some history on; famous people who have lived there etc. She was following and she knew it. She even said as much – “I’m not used to guys not pursuing me and doing what I want, this is different”. We were in my car with our pants off an hour later. Correlation, causation, I don’t give a fuck – leading is attractive.

Second. main girl and I were out this morning walking to the store to get some items we needed for lunch. On the way back we passed a decent second hand clothing store and went in to look around. I found nothing but some shoes that were too small. A long enough time had passed and I was ready to go but she was still looking, ever so slowly, at every piece of 2000 items of women’s clothing in this store. Shopping wasn’t even on the plan, just something we thought would be fun to do for a dip-in. She wasn’t wrapping it up so I had to tell her “We’re leaving in ten minutes”.

She quickly grabbed a couple items and ran to the fitting room. When she came out she was happy to have a few things that fit but realized what was going on:

“Hey, I never tell you to hurry up” (not teasing or smiling, she felt a little intimidated that I was telling her that we were leaving)
“That’s because I never waste my time on things I don’t like”

Minutes later she was affectionate and pleasant and happy. Job done.

Let’s contrast that with a beta pleaser:

In the first story, the beta people-pleaser would have back tracked when talking to the girl while out for coffee. Following her storyline and answering every one of her questions sincerely. By the end of their drink she would have been bored with him. If he wanted to go on a walk he would have asked her if she wanted to, putting the pressure on her to decide the nights activities – not what’s going to make her excited to take her shirt off for you. She would have probably said “no thanks, I told my friend I would go swing by her place so I better go”.

In the second story, the beta people-pleaser would have waited around all god fucking damned day for her to make up her mind on something or to decide to ditch the garbage she was going to try on. Meanwhile the milk in the grocery bag would be getting warm.

Men, lead your ladies.

“+1 #milf #POF”

This is a tangent story to my post from Thursday night; “Weekday Online Dating Game”

It starts back up:

…Wednesday night I text both girls. Girl from POF and I immediately start flirting. She seems fun. I really enjoy a girl that knows how to have a conversation. It’s not long before she invites me over to her house to have drinks with her roommates. She lives a half hour away in an artsy, “hip” part of town. I’m down to drive.

I show up at 10:30

She’s cute. Blonde, blue eyes, fit, and just a little shorter than me. Artsy, musical, tattoos, and piercings. I dig it. I’m naturally comfortable around this kind of girl. Always have been. This is very nice for a single mom. She keeps herself active and attractive. There’s not much like that back in my neighborhood

I must be putting off a good vibe and looking great because she immediately has a look in her eyes that she’s very happy that I look like my profile pictures. I’m happy because this is the first time someone has looked better than their profile pictures. Thank god.

She right away introduces me to her roommates – a guy and girl a little younger than I who are dating. They seem like good people. Very welcoming, into good music and easy to conversate with.

So my girl gets the party started. We start doing shots of Irish whisky and get cozy in front of the firepit outside with the others. Some neighbors come by for company. Being in the “hipster” part of town has it’s benefits with meeting new people and being social.

We are digging on each other and I am not afraid to have my hands on her as we are getty cozy and doing more shots, smoking cigarettes, and enjoying the fire.

We’re getting buzzed and she says “well, we keep doing shots you’ll have to spend the night. I don’t allow drunk driving”


Close to midnight the crowd starts to couple off. We’ve been shamelessly making out in front of everyone on and off the past hour at this point. It’s fun to know we’re making the others feel awkward.

I tell her to show me the art piece she’s been working on that’s in her bedroom, and away we go.

Making out, going down on each other, using hands, fingers, pulling hair, neck choking, spanking ass cheeks, on top, from behind, halfway off the bed. And the compliments this girl would let come out of her mouth sounded like me the first time a girl let me kiss her. I felt like the most attractive guy alive by her opinion. Almost 45 minutes later we are exhausted in bed.

She was a great bang.

We went outside for a last smoke and talked a little more then called it a night.

I didn’t spend the night.


[post script edit]

So, some takeaways

1. Blaze Frazier rightly calls out that this girl was DTF from the get go. Judging by the way things went, he’s right. Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened but I know from my experience that you still have to at least be a little interesting, charismatic, and attractive to go all the way. Luckily we both caught the vibe early in our conversation and actions.

2. As it’s been said before over and over, girls want to be dominated in the bedroom. They also want to be choked, spanked, slapped, and have their hair pulled. This would be especially good for the first time you bang a girl so that the expectation is there; you are alpha in bed. You take what you want and do what you want with her.

3. I’m thinking about what made this work. I had seen her a lot online and we’ve both “viewed” each others profile many times. I wonder if I need to let that interaction happen a couple time with future dates before I crack into a message with them.

4. I don’t “view” their profile too much if only a couple times before I go into stealth mode. (ht Gmac and ronjon548)

5. Don’t chat them up a ton like their your girlfriend the next few days. I still have some beta tendencies to try to make someone really comfortable about me after first meeting. I have to ignore my phone so I don’t blabber myself into celibacy – this is the same with my main girl in terms of maintaining a day-to-day relationships with someone I’m technically already very familiar with.

Weekday Online Dating Game

Tuesday night I went out alone but had a girl I was texting from OKC. She gave me her number pretty quickly after we messaged a few times online. There was a chance we would meet up but no plans were set. I wanted to at least go out and be social in case I could invite her to where I was. Earlier in the day I had joked that I was going to a secret strip club and for her to meet me there. She said she’d be with her friend but might be available since her friend tends to flake, so when I got ahold of her later that night:

Her:Are you hanging out at the strip club? 😉
Me:I already got kicked out of that place. They couldn’t handle this! I’m at **** bar now. What neighborhood are you in?
Oh I’m in **** too. **** bar is awesome. I think tonight we are gonna lay low
I’ll be heading out soon. I’d insist you have your friend invite me over but I don’t want to spoil your party 😉
Haha if it was my apartment I’d be down to drink together. We’ll def tip a few back soon
No worries. Take it easy.
You too, mister

I went home after I finished my drinks and got on POF. I noticed a girl that has viewed me before but I never got around to messaging. What the hell, she’s cute, tall, and fit. Artsy, tattoos, pierced – appealing to my rock and roll days of yesteryear. Single mom but I’m not worried. I’ve been there before. She starts up a conversation with me quick and we chat back a forth a couple messages. I mention I’m going to bed and she gives me her number. I text her to make sure she has my number and go to bed.

Wednesday night I text both girls. Girl from POF and I immediately start flirting. She seems fun. I really enjoy a girl that knows how to have a conversation. It’s not long before she invites me over to her house to have drinks with her roommates.

(I’ll continue this story tomorrow)

Meanwhile OKC girl from Tuesday writes me back as I’m having drinks with these new folks.

Her:Yo! It is finally time for a big damn glass of wine. I had so much work I had to take home w me. How was your day?
Excellent! Chilling with friends. A fire in april!
Yeah it got cool out! You are so social. I wish I had it in me during the week. I save myself for the weekend haha

Well look at that. Social proof without even trying that hard. She thinks I’m the life of a party.

After leaving really late from the party I was at I go home.

Tonight I’m just relaxing but decide to see if anyone is up to hangout. POF girl is real chatty and very pleasant (more on that tomorrow) but is busy. OKC girl writes me back:

What’s goin on tonight?
I’m hanging out w my brother tonight. We should get drinks this weekend if you’re down?
I can swing it Saturday night or, if you feel daring, Sunday night.
Good deal. I’m ready to drink whenever you are haha

There we go. She’s asking me out now because she knows my time fills up quickly.

I’m pretty happy with how things are going considering the Wednesday night hangout I got with POF girl.

So tell me, what do you think went well? Went bad? Did I lose my frame anywhere and didn’t realize it?

My thoughts:

1. Be active and don’t just appear to be social, go out and be social.

2. Maybe don’t use too many smiley faces? I tend to cringe at them when I look back and notice I used them.

3. OKC girl has been very enthusiastic but seems like she can’t ever hang during the week. Maybe that’s her game and I need to watch out for that.

4. Keep talking to people, new people. Keep your social skills honed. Make observations of people around you that would make a funny story to include in a text.

5. Don’t spend so much time talking using the website. If she’s enjoying the conversation, move it over to text messages quick. Don’t spend the rest of your night texting her either. Have some funny things to say, tease her, and cut the conversation off or make plans to meet soon. Don’t feed any attention she may be trying to get from you for the sake of herself feeling validated before you’ve even met.

How To Manage Erectile Dysfunction

What a prick

There is going to come a day when you are with a girl and your penis won’t work. You need to know what to do when that happens.

As a man who is used to being around girls (See: Alpha) you know that you have no reason to be embarassed about anything. You’re so comfortable with yourself that you would recognize this otherwise soul crushing encounter as no big deal. And that’s what it is; no big deal. There’s going to be another time.

Apologizing, talking sheepishly, and lowering your head is going to do nothing for you. It will all but guarantee that she now has the sexual upper hand. Biologically, you may have just shown that you aren’t fit to mate and your reaction to it reaffirms this. Don’t apologize.

If you’ve got a good thing going with your significant other/wife (LTR and Married “game”), then you’ve been comfortably having sex with someone you’re close with. These moments should be even easier to brush over. If, however, your wife is a bitch, you’ll need to keep your frame strong and do not put up with any shit from her on it whatsoever. Same goes for your girl or attempted SNL. No girl should ever feel so comfortable as to talk shit and mock your penis. She is due for a shaming and should be treated that way.

Let’s discuss a few reasons why this may have happened:

You masturbate too much
Habitually masturbating lowers your libido, lowers testosterone, and drains you of desire (for sex and productivity in general). I won’t go into depth, this e-pamphlet linked goes into the subject much better than I.

You are too tired/stressed/drunk
It is important to be rested and healthy. You may have been able to pop a boner ten times a day at will when you were 16 but as you grow into your better years as a confident man, you need to take care of yourself and be well rested. Good sleep is also good for your testosterone. Stress will keep your mind from focusing on the sexy girl you’re about to ravish. No one gets off while thinking of their boss yelling at them or where the money for paying the bills is going to come from. Whiskey dick is probably the most common version given our tendency to drink as we get up our courage to talk to girls. You might be killing your ability to go through with your set if she’s DTF.

You are dealing with an ugly and/or fat girl
Recently I had the displeasure of encountering one of these things in real life. At an event, she thought she had the sexual prowess to get what she wanted from me. It wasn’t going to happen. Was I flirting with her? Yeah, I tend to do that to every girl but I wasn’t pressing for a sexual encounter.  Hand down my pants – no wood – she got mad. The next day she texted me to give me shit about it. “Ur cute but I think ur penis is broken”, “I’ve never had that happen before, guys are hard for me all the time”. She kept giving me shit. I had to break the simple truth to her “My wood increases inversely with a girl’s BMI” (ht @BeerAndConcrete). She didn’t take it very well. I guess no one’s ever had the guts to tell her she’s simply too fat.

Look guys, it’s possible you don’t have an attractive girl on your hand. If your wife got fat and sexless, you better be doing something to change that (like using Athol’s MAP in The Primer…this includes you making sure you are of a higher sexual rank than her so get ready to work hard on your sexiness). Maybe you like her personality. Well I can’t guarantee that’s going to get you laid but could be used for friendzoning a girl for fun and profit.

You have a health problem
Do you smoke regularly? Smoking has shown to cause impotence due to the hardening and restriction of blood vessels to your penis. Are you overweight? Extra weight can cause higher levels of estrogen and hurt your libido. Are you eating the right foods? Eat meat. It’s what your ancestors hunted and ate before they had sex with their women. Some studies have shown that eating a handful of Brazil nuts a day is good for raising testosterone too. I haven’t tried it yet.

Look up a local Urologist and/or Cardiologist, get an appointment, and have a very open discussion with the doctor. You may need to change your diet, lifestyle, and take some pills. Personally, though I’ve never tried them, I wouldn’t mind a round of Viagra or Cialis just to see what it’s like. Might be fun if you run into one of those fabled sex hungry single mother’s that want to fuck for hours at a time.

Quotes From Saturday Night or The Thought Processes of a Girl

Quotes from Saturday night:

[mostly in chronological order as I recall. No drugs or alcohol were involved]

“Don’t be offended…and you probably don’t even know this seem very androgynous”

“Don’t you own any white socks?”

“I remind you of someone? I can’t stand that. I like to think I’m incredibly unique.”

“I thought you must be gay.”

“I thought that other guy over there was you before you got here. At least he’s good looking”

“My friend thinks you’re a liar. You don’t have kids.”

“You’re judging me?”

“I’m very blunt with my opinions. If you don’t like that you can leave.”

“I hate cigarettes. People that smoke them disgust me”

“Show me your tongue.”

“I don’t believe a thing about you”

“What’s your last name?”

“Are you on facebook?”

“Why is your profile private?”

“Show me your drivers license”

“Take of your shirt”

“I’m not used to boys not pursuing me”

“You’re bad. You’re trouble”

“Don’t rape me. I was raped when I was nine.”

“I wasn’t raped. I was kidding.”

“I just can’t figure you out.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You’re such a whore.”

“How many girls have you slept with? 50? 75? 35?”

“Oh my stupid thoughts.”

“Show me your dick”

“I bet you’ve taken tons of girls to this place”

“Hold on, let me take my fishnets off”

“Everything you say is a lie. You’re married.”

“Take off your clothes.”