How To Use Instagram For Android Like a Poor Person

OMG I’ve only just heard, I’ve only just heard; Instagram is now available for your Android phones!

Now all of us poor normals can have access to one of the most highly regarded gated communities on the internet!

about 18 months ago the iPhoneosphere went beserk when the Instagram app was added to the iTunes store and people everywhere started taking pictures and sharing them with filters to make their snapshots of mundane life look like they were taken with a film camera.

Now you can join in on the fun with your cheap ass Cricket phone or Virgin Mobile pre-paid “smart” phone.

“Smart” because we all know that a true smart person would already own an iPhone. 

So here’s how it works:
go to the Google Play store on your “smart”phone
download the Instagram app (an app so broken from the beginning they update it and make you re-download the entire 14mb app twice a day)
create a whimsical username
connect it to your facebook and twitter account (and foursquare and tumblr for extra emo cred)
search for your friends and start following them (this is extra fun because your friends that are already on Instagram have been using it for at least a year on their iPhones. They’ll be super pissed that you’re following them and trying to share your shitty pictures taken on your shitty lens on your “smart”phone)
take a picture of your feet (or the sky, or an old building, and especially your lunch or coffee cup), add a filter, and upload it – click on the other networks you want it to post to as well (you need to show off how creative and introspective you are)
continue about 20 times a day and rack up your “hearts” and comment on your friends pictures
repeat daily until the world burns

Pro-tip: if you’re a girl then you are already on the fast track to Instagram stardom. Here’s some great examples (1)(2)(3)(4)

There, now you have joined the elite in a high quality sharing network of photographs of the highest caliber.

If you come across any haters, fuck ’em. They’re just jealous that you take better pictures than they do because you’ve had to be creative with your choice of photo editing options available to you before Instagram came along. They actually love your pictures and are afraid to admit it.

Any questions? Ask away. I’ve had it since it came out for Android three days ago and I now have 9,000 followers. I got this.

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