How To Manage Erectile Dysfunction

What a prick

There is going to come a day when you are with a girl and your penis won’t work. You need to know what to do when that happens.

As a man who is used to being around girls (See: Alpha) you know that you have no reason to be embarassed about anything. You’re so comfortable with yourself that you would recognize this otherwise soul crushing encounter as no big deal. And that’s what it is; no big deal. There’s going to be another time.

Apologizing, talking sheepishly, and lowering your head is going to do nothing for you. It will all but guarantee that she now has the sexual upper hand. Biologically, you may have just shown that you aren’t fit to mate and your reaction to it reaffirms this. Don’t apologize.

If you’ve got a good thing going with your significant other/wife (LTR and Married “game”), then you’ve been comfortably having sex with someone you’re close with. These moments should be even easier to brush over. If, however, your wife is a bitch, you’ll need to keep your frame strong and do not put up with any shit from her on it whatsoever. Same goes for your girl or attempted SNL. No girl should ever feel so comfortable as to talk shit and mock your penis. She is due for a shaming and should be treated that way.

Let’s discuss a few reasons why this may have happened:

You masturbate too much
Habitually masturbating lowers your libido, lowers testosterone, and drains you of desire (for sex and productivity in general). I won’t go into depth, this e-pamphlet linked goes into the subject much better than I.

You are too tired/stressed/drunk
It is important to be rested and healthy. You may have been able to pop a boner ten times a day at will when you were 16 but as you grow into your better years as a confident man, you need to take care of yourself and be well rested. Good sleep is also good for your testosterone. Stress will keep your mind from focusing on the sexy girl you’re about to ravish. No one gets off while thinking of their boss yelling at them or where the money for paying the bills is going to come from. Whiskey dick is probably the most common version given our tendency to drink as we get up our courage to talk to girls. You might be killing your ability to go through with your set if she’s DTF.

You are dealing with an ugly and/or fat girl
Recently I had the displeasure of encountering one of these things in real life. At an event, she thought she had the sexual prowess to get what she wanted from me. It wasn’t going to happen. Was I flirting with her? Yeah, I tend to do that to every girl but I wasn’t pressing for a sexual encounter.  Hand down my pants – no wood – she got mad. The next day she texted me to give me shit about it. “Ur cute but I think ur penis is broken”, “I’ve never had that happen before, guys are hard for me all the time”. She kept giving me shit. I had to break the simple truth to her “My wood increases inversely with a girl’s BMI” (ht @BeerAndConcrete). She didn’t take it very well. I guess no one’s ever had the guts to tell her she’s simply too fat.

Look guys, it’s possible you don’t have an attractive girl on your hand. If your wife got fat and sexless, you better be doing something to change that (like using Athol’s MAP in The Primer…this includes you making sure you are of a higher sexual rank than her so get ready to work hard on your sexiness). Maybe you like her personality. Well I can’t guarantee that’s going to get you laid but could be used for friendzoning a girl for fun and profit.

You have a health problem
Do you smoke regularly? Smoking has shown to cause impotence due to the hardening and restriction of blood vessels to your penis. Are you overweight? Extra weight can cause higher levels of estrogen and hurt your libido. Are you eating the right foods? Eat meat. It’s what your ancestors hunted and ate before they had sex with their women. Some studies have shown that eating a handful of Brazil nuts a day is good for raising testosterone too. I haven’t tried it yet.

Look up a local Urologist and/or Cardiologist, get an appointment, and have a very open discussion with the doctor. You may need to change your diet, lifestyle, and take some pills. Personally, though I’ve never tried them, I wouldn’t mind a round of Viagra or Cialis just to see what it’s like. Might be fun if you run into one of those fabled sex hungry single mother’s that want to fuck for hours at a time.

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How To Use Instagram For Android Like a Poor Person

OMG I’ve only just heard, I’ve only just heard; Instagram is now available for your Android phones!

Now all of us poor normals can have access to one of the most highly regarded gated communities on the internet!

about 18 months ago the iPhoneosphere went beserk when the Instagram app was added to the iTunes store and people everywhere started taking pictures and sharing them with filters to make their snapshots of mundane life look like they were taken with a film camera.

Now you can join in on the fun with your cheap ass Cricket phone or Virgin Mobile pre-paid “smart” phone.

“Smart” because we all know that a true smart person would already own an iPhone. 

So here’s how it works:
go to the Google Play store on your “smart”phone
download the Instagram app (an app so broken from the beginning they update it and make you re-download the entire 14mb app twice a day)
create a whimsical username
connect it to your facebook and twitter account (and foursquare and tumblr for extra emo cred)
search for your friends and start following them (this is extra fun because your friends that are already on Instagram have been using it for at least a year on their iPhones. They’ll be super pissed that you’re following them and trying to share your shitty pictures taken on your shitty lens on your “smart”phone)
take a picture of your feet (or the sky, or an old building, and especially your lunch or coffee cup), add a filter, and upload it – click on the other networks you want it to post to as well (you need to show off how creative and introspective you are)
continue about 20 times a day and rack up your “hearts” and comment on your friends pictures
repeat daily until the world burns

Pro-tip: if you’re a girl then you are already on the fast track to Instagram stardom. Here’s some great examples (1)(2)(3)(4)

There, now you have joined the elite in a high quality sharing network of photographs of the highest caliber.

If you come across any haters, fuck ’em. They’re just jealous that you take better pictures than they do because you’ve had to be creative with your choice of photo editing options available to you before Instagram came along. They actually love your pictures and are afraid to admit it.

Any questions? Ask away. I’ve had it since it came out for Android three days ago and I now have 9,000 followers. I got this.

Support In Mala Fide

I like books but dammit I am quite a cheapskate. Add on top of that I like to keep things minimal in my abode and while I’d like to keep a certain type of book on a shelf for decoration, I don’t want to end up looking like some of my bibliophile friends whose apartments are littered with books they may one day get around to reading.

In June 2011 I bought Athol’s Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. It’s a book I’ll be passing on to my married friends. Great content. It plunged me into the archives of his blog and learned about all the other characters writing in the manosphere. I had a very eye opening experience gazing into the very real world of women, sex, pickup, psychology, misogyny, misandry, racism, classism, and how easy it would have been for me to bang all the girls I was pining for in my early twenties.

Here we are in the modern age and great people can write something and get it out to me on a kindle (or other e-reader) without me having to drop $30 on something I may not want to have physically laying around my place after I’m done with it. I’m finding great content for under $10 and I don’t have to invest in the paper.

Frost has done it with his lifestyle guide and so does The Chef In Jeans has his archetypal dinner date.

Ferd at In Mala Fide has two offerings for you that are at the easy price points of $0.99 and $1.49 that should be added to your digital collection post haste. You’ll be supporting the major dark hub of internet evil that we all know and love and I’m plenty fine with that.

The good news is if you donate at least $10 of support to I.M.F. you’ll get Frost’s Freedom Twenty-Five Lifestyle Guide as well.

Click here for all of the details …It’s almost like a local NPR pledge drive but more or less with sex involved.

I’ve bought all items mentioned above without any reason to speak about them other than I want my brethren to better themselves as I have.

And I fully expect you to as well.

Coffee and Cigarettes – Drink Your Coffee Like a Man

Light yourself up a cigarette, this is going to take a couple minutes:

All you men rushing yourselves in the morning just so you can leave the house early enough to stand in line for ten minutes at a coffee chain to drink 300 calories of hot chocolate coffee flavored milk (aka Cafe Mocha) on your commute into your office so you can feel good about yourself because you consider yourself a “coffee man” are full of it. If you aren’t one of these guys you certainly know at least a full handful of these suckers.

First, stop drinking sugar. If you wonder where your “two o’ clock feeling” is coming from it’s at least coming from your desert you just had for breakfast.

Don’t think you’re getting off my craplist because you order lattes or cappuccinos. That means you enjoy paying $3 for 14 ounces of hot milk with your 2oz of coffee. HOT MILK! That’s a time tested home remedy for helping one fall asleep. Don’t think the 100mg of caffeine content in espresso in your latte is going to negate that.

When it comes down to it, you look like a pussy. You blend in. You walk with the sheep.

Alright, you can put out your cigarette now.

So here’s what you need to do: develop your taste for black coffee from a French press.

First, if you are developing your day  game by hanging out at a coffee shop, how about a conversation piece? Most coffee shops, major chains included, will serve you coffee in a French press. It’s a primal way of brewing coffee – using coarse grounds and hot water steeped and plunged. It’s a sexual move to push a rod in your drink before enjoying it and you’ll be girl watching with a beaker of black goop at your table.

Most presses will brew enough coffee for two or three cups – offer a cup to the girl you’ve been chatting up  at the next table. Learn about how it works so you can ramble about why you like to drink it this way instead of hot milk in a paper cup.

Drinking it black gives you a drink that is sugar free and basically calorie free. If you must add something, go paleo and plop a little bit of heavy cream in it – any quality coffee shop, including the chains, keep heavy cream in the fridge.

How about when you are making dinner for a girl at your place? (The Chef in Jeans will help you learn more about that here)

Buy a French press to keep at home for an after dinner drink with your parfait.

You need to buy quality whole beans – I prefer most producers “espresso roast”, French roast, or Indonesian coffees; I stay away from Latin American coffees (think Colombian etc) because they have a high acidic content. Indonesian coffees (e.g. Sumatra) have a very low acid content which means no heartburn; important if you’re treating your lady to a drink and they pair well with heavier foods.

Have a coffee grinder and a water kettle. You can stick with the typical kettle you heat on the stove that whistles or find a classy stainless steel electric kettle. Stay away from anything too colorful or gimicky, those are made for girls and won’t blend in well with your pad that is surely decorated with many leather-bound books.

Grind two tablespoons of coffee for every six ounces of water. The grinds should be coarse – probably about 11 seconds in your grinder.

Put the ground in the beaker and pour your water just off boil into the beaker and give the grinds a stir.

Let it sit for four minutes.

Put the top on and slowly plunge the press down.

Pour yourself and your lady a small cup.

Offer her some nonfat milk and sweet’n’low. It’s okay, girls can put that kind of junk in their coffee if they want but drink yours black or with some heavy cream.

Ditch the hot milk man-in-socks-and-flip-flops routine and start drinking good coffee. It’ll do you well.