The Girl I Think I Want and the Girl I Get

There’s been a constant struggle within me since I started noticing and talking to girls years ago. My eyes are charmed by the quirky, layered clothes, jeans, Converse, cool looking girl that drinks beer, listens to the same music I do or can recommend new music that I’d like, perhaps she rides a bike, colors her hair.

The “hipster” girl.

She shows her value in shallow things and uses them as eye candy to distract from her flaws. A purse shaped like a turtle with “random” pin-buttons on them. Bangs cut flat just above her eyes.

I’ve been drawn to them since I started playing in bands in the 90’s. They were also my friends but as I didn’t know how to play the game and dance the dance that leads to sex with these girls, I was put in the friendzone rather quickly and it’s painfully obvious that I put myself there.

The problem with these girls, at least 15 years later, is that they seem to have common personality flaws. They’re irrationally combative, sarcastic – to the point where every sentence in a conversation is sarcasm, chatting with them goes no where because they are more interested in fighting than playing. I can start conversations with these girls just fine. Approaching is no problem and for “fitting in”,  I have a middle of the road dress style that fits in with the pseudo bohemian and the clean and classy look.

Whatever, I’m losing focus.

The thing is, I don’t want to put up with these girls and their poor personalities. I’m drawn to them based on this feeling of nostalgia for my past but these girls aren’t the same breed of broads I was crushing on in the late 90s.

BUT, the girl I do well with? She would be the hipster girl’s opposite, as it were. The girl with the summer dress, layered long hair, minimal – tasteful jewelry, and feminine physique; this is the girl that I flirt with naturally and build rapport and attraction with ease. She’s the girl that enthusiastically responds to my texts and agrees to meeting up for drinks.

Hipster girl? She bullshits around with me, sends me unfunny “ironic” texts, then ignores me as I push for a meetup.

It makes it easy to walk away from a girl like that luckily. She doesn’t want a good time, no problem for me.

“+1 #milf #POF”

This is a tangent story to my post from Thursday night; “Weekday Online Dating Game”

It starts back up:

…Wednesday night I text both girls. Girl from POF and I immediately start flirting. She seems fun. I really enjoy a girl that knows how to have a conversation. It’s not long before she invites me over to her house to have drinks with her roommates. She lives a half hour away in an artsy, “hip” part of town. I’m down to drive.

I show up at 10:30

She’s cute. Blonde, blue eyes, fit, and just a little shorter than me. Artsy, musical, tattoos, and piercings. I dig it. I’m naturally comfortable around this kind of girl. Always have been. This is very nice for a single mom. She keeps herself active and attractive. There’s not much like that back in my neighborhood

I must be putting off a good vibe and looking great because she immediately has a look in her eyes that she’s very happy that I look like my profile pictures. I’m happy because this is the first time someone has looked better than their profile pictures. Thank god.

She right away introduces me to her roommates – a guy and girl a little younger than I who are dating. They seem like good people. Very welcoming, into good music and easy to conversate with.

So my girl gets the party started. We start doing shots of Irish whisky and get cozy in front of the firepit outside with the others. Some neighbors come by for company. Being in the “hipster” part of town has it’s benefits with meeting new people and being social.

We are digging on each other and I am not afraid to have my hands on her as we are getty cozy and doing more shots, smoking cigarettes, and enjoying the fire.

We’re getting buzzed and she says “well, we keep doing shots you’ll have to spend the night. I don’t allow drunk driving”

noted.

Close to midnight the crowd starts to couple off. We’ve been shamelessly making out in front of everyone on and off the past hour at this point. It’s fun to know we’re making the others feel awkward.

I tell her to show me the art piece she’s been working on that’s in her bedroom, and away we go.

Making out, going down on each other, using hands, fingers, pulling hair, neck choking, spanking ass cheeks, on top, from behind, halfway off the bed. And the compliments this girl would let come out of her mouth sounded like me the first time a girl let me kiss her. I felt like the most attractive guy alive by her opinion. Almost 45 minutes later we are exhausted in bed.

She was a great bang.

We went outside for a last smoke and talked a little more then called it a night.

I didn’t spend the night.

—-

[post script edit]

So, some takeaways

1. Blaze Frazier rightly calls out that this girl was DTF from the get go. Judging by the way things went, he’s right. Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened but I know from my experience that you still have to at least be a little interesting, charismatic, and attractive to go all the way. Luckily we both caught the vibe early in our conversation and actions.

2. As it’s been said before over and over, girls want to be dominated in the bedroom. They also want to be choked, spanked, slapped, and have their hair pulled. This would be especially good for the first time you bang a girl so that the expectation is there; you are alpha in bed. You take what you want and do what you want with her.

3. I’m thinking about what made this work. I had seen her a lot online and we’ve both “viewed” each others profile many times. I wonder if I need to let that interaction happen a couple time with future dates before I crack into a message with them.

4. I don’t “view” their profile too much if only a couple times before I go into stealth mode. (ht Gmac and ronjon548)

5. Don’t chat them up a ton like their your girlfriend the next few days. I still have some beta tendencies to try to make someone really comfortable about me after first meeting. I have to ignore my phone so I don’t blabber myself into celibacy – this is the same with my main girl in terms of maintaining a day-to-day relationships with someone I’m technically already very familiar with.

Weekday Online Dating Game

Tuesday night I went out alone but had a girl I was texting from OKC. She gave me her number pretty quickly after we messaged a few times online. There was a chance we would meet up but no plans were set. I wanted to at least go out and be social in case I could invite her to where I was. Earlier in the day I had joked that I was going to a secret strip club and for her to meet me there. She said she’d be with her friend but might be available since her friend tends to flake, so when I got ahold of her later that night:

Her:Are you hanging out at the strip club? 😉
Me:I already got kicked out of that place. They couldn’t handle this! I’m at **** bar now. What neighborhood are you in?
Oh I’m in **** too. **** bar is awesome. I think tonight we are gonna lay low
I’ll be heading out soon. I’d insist you have your friend invite me over but I don’t want to spoil your party 😉
Haha if it was my apartment I’d be down to drink together. We’ll def tip a few back soon
No worries. Take it easy.
You too, mister

I went home after I finished my drinks and got on POF. I noticed a girl that has viewed me before but I never got around to messaging. What the hell, she’s cute, tall, and fit. Artsy, tattoos, pierced – appealing to my rock and roll days of yesteryear. Single mom but I’m not worried. I’ve been there before. She starts up a conversation with me quick and we chat back a forth a couple messages. I mention I’m going to bed and she gives me her number. I text her to make sure she has my number and go to bed.

Wednesday night I text both girls. Girl from POF and I immediately start flirting. She seems fun. I really enjoy a girl that knows how to have a conversation. It’s not long before she invites me over to her house to have drinks with her roommates.

(I’ll continue this story tomorrow)

Meanwhile OKC girl from Tuesday writes me back as I’m having drinks with these new folks.

Her:Yo! It is finally time for a big damn glass of wine. I had so much work I had to take home w me. How was your day?
Excellent! Chilling with friends. A fire in april!
Yeah it got cool out! You are so social. I wish I had it in me during the week. I save myself for the weekend haha

Well look at that. Social proof without even trying that hard. She thinks I’m the life of a party.

After leaving really late from the party I was at I go home.

Tonight I’m just relaxing but decide to see if anyone is up to hangout. POF girl is real chatty and very pleasant (more on that tomorrow) but is busy. OKC girl writes me back:

What’s goin on tonight?
I’m hanging out w my brother tonight. We should get drinks this weekend if you’re down?
I can swing it Saturday night or, if you feel daring, Sunday night.
Good deal. I’m ready to drink whenever you are haha

There we go. She’s asking me out now because she knows my time fills up quickly.

I’m pretty happy with how things are going considering the Wednesday night hangout I got with POF girl.

So tell me, what do you think went well? Went bad? Did I lose my frame anywhere and didn’t realize it?

My thoughts:

1. Be active and don’t just appear to be social, go out and be social.

2. Maybe don’t use too many smiley faces? I tend to cringe at them when I look back and notice I used them.

3. OKC girl has been very enthusiastic but seems like she can’t ever hang during the week. Maybe that’s her game and I need to watch out for that.

4. Keep talking to people, new people. Keep your social skills honed. Make observations of people around you that would make a funny story to include in a text.

5. Don’t spend so much time talking using the website. If she’s enjoying the conversation, move it over to text messages quick. Don’t spend the rest of your night texting her either. Have some funny things to say, tease her, and cut the conversation off or make plans to meet soon. Don’t feed any attention she may be trying to get from you for the sake of herself feeling validated before you’ve even met.

Quotes From Saturday Night or The Thought Processes of a Girl

Quotes from Saturday night:

[mostly in chronological order as I recall. No drugs or alcohol were involved]

“Don’t be offended…and you probably don’t even know this word..you seem very androgynous”

“Don’t you own any white socks?”

“I remind you of someone? I can’t stand that. I like to think I’m incredibly unique.”

“I thought you must be gay.”

“I thought that other guy over there was you before you got here. At least he’s good looking”

“My friend thinks you’re a liar. You don’t have kids.”

“You’re judging me?”

“I’m very blunt with my opinions. If you don’t like that you can leave.”

“I hate cigarettes. People that smoke them disgust me”

“Show me your tongue.”

“I don’t believe a thing about you”

“What’s your last name?”

“Are you on facebook?”

“Why is your profile private?”

“Show me your drivers license”

“Take of your shirt”

“I’m not used to boys not pursuing me”

“You’re bad. You’re trouble”

“Don’t rape me. I was raped when I was nine.”

“I wasn’t raped. I was kidding.”

“I just can’t figure you out.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“You’re such a whore.”

“How many girls have you slept with? 50? 75? 35?”

“Oh my stupid thoughts.”

“Show me your dick”

“I bet you’ve taken tons of girls to this place”

“Hold on, let me take my fishnets off”

“Everything you say is a lie. You’re married.”

“Take off your clothes.”

One at home, two in the kitty, and three in the bedroom

Just some notes for posterity.

Two days ago I started up a conversation with a remarkable single mom my age. Certainly not to be confused with a 21 year old but she has taken good steps to keep herself in great shape; feminine, long hair, blonde, fit. After exchanging a few messages we easily slipped into a more sexually focused conversation. Several nude pics later we were making plans to hang out soon. One of the topics was about threesomes. Neither of us having been in one but both desiring, we planned on getting a friend of her’s that she suspects would be game to schedule a party for the three of us. It will be fun to see if this actually plays out. In the meantime, the pics keep coming. She is generous.

2nd girl started talking to me yesterday. She’s a trip (or perhaps a typical hamster-driven female) because I can tell she’s sexually interested but everytime the conversation moves more sexually, and often with her nudging, she then apologizes for being sexual. I ignore it. She’s a shit-testing question asker. I’ll ignore the question entirely and keep talking about the subject at hand or do the ole agree-and-amplify routine.

“When was the last time I had sex?”
“I have a harem, remember?”

All of these conversations were going on last night as my main girl and I hosted a party with our close circle of friends; the six of us listening to music, drinking, and having a good time. Having two girls texting me all night really amped up my confidence with my main. Especially in the taking-what-I-want and not being afraid to be sexual in front of her instincts.

Main girl’s best friend thought it would be cute if they took a picture of them kissing while the rest of the friends were on the balcony in the night air. I insisted on taking the pictures; it’s been a latent fantasy to see them kiss and even more to get it on camera. Spending about five minutes framing the picture while they pecked, I told them to just stop giggling and let go; use some tongue. I got closer as they started really enjoying themselves…and then…I invited myself into the mix. The three of us nibbled on each others lips and sucked on each others tongues as my hands felt free enjoying the physical landscape. It didn’t last all but a few minutes. We were expected to come back into the living room to play board games.

It was a good night.