The Girl I Think I Want and the Girl I Get

There’s been a constant struggle within me since I started noticing and talking to girls years ago. My eyes are charmed by the quirky, layered clothes, jeans, Converse, cool looking girl that drinks beer, listens to the same music I do or can recommend new music that I’d like, perhaps she rides a bike, colors her hair.

The “hipster” girl.

She shows her value in shallow things and uses them as eye candy to distract from her flaws. A purse shaped like a turtle with “random” pin-buttons on them. Bangs cut flat just above her eyes.

I’ve been drawn to them since I started playing in bands in the 90’s. They were also my friends but as I didn’t know how to play the game and dance the dance that leads to sex with these girls, I was put in the friendzone rather quickly and it’s painfully obvious that I put myself there.

The problem with these girls, at least 15 years later, is that they seem to have common personality flaws. They’re irrationally combative, sarcastic – to the point where every sentence in a conversation is sarcasm, chatting with them goes no where because they are more interested in fighting than playing. I can start conversations with these girls just fine. Approaching is no problem and for “fitting in”,  I have a middle of the road dress style that fits in with the pseudo bohemian and the clean and classy look.

Whatever, I’m losing focus.

The thing is, I don’t want to put up with these girls and their poor personalities. I’m drawn to them based on this feeling of nostalgia for my past but these girls aren’t the same breed of broads I was crushing on in the late 90s.

BUT, the girl I do well with? She would be the hipster girl’s opposite, as it were. The girl with the summer dress, layered long hair, minimal – tasteful jewelry, and feminine physique; this is the girl that I flirt with naturally and build rapport and attraction with ease. She’s the girl that enthusiastically responds to my texts and agrees to meeting up for drinks.

Hipster girl? She bullshits around with me, sends me unfunny “ironic” texts, then ignores me as I push for a meetup.

It makes it easy to walk away from a girl like that luckily. She doesn’t want a good time, no problem for me.

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The Time We Have Now Ends

There’s either something serious happening in the content I keep coming across or my brain is just reassuring itself that everything is going to be okay.

In three weeks I’m leaving my job of five years that provided my health insurance and a predictable bi-weekly paycheck and moving 900 miles without any really solid leads for employment in a similar job market. Quitting the office game and moving to a new city has been a desire I’ve had for over two years and so with a nice wad of cash saved up to cover my expenses the first 90 days I’m settled on it. I sent in a letter stating my intention to move out to my landlord, scheduled my oldest child’s last day at school, and later this week I’ll be telling my manager that I’m working my last two weeks.

Over the past month I’ve come across more and more highly motivating and encouraging pieces of literature, including many within the red-pill crowd. From Frost at Freedom Twenty-Five, to Victor Pride at Bold and Determined, and more recently after reading Althol Kay’s post yesterday and Badger’s follow up on it. I don’t feel best utilized in my current position and have been feeling a new energy to pursue the passive avenues of income that have been novel and turn them into things that make me happy and satisfied.

I’m going to be thrust into a position of necessity, as it were, to truly fully flex my skills in negotiation, charm, deceit, and content creation. The rush I’m feeling knowing that this is coming isn’t anxiety, which is surprising to me, but it’s that excitement of adrenaline. That high you get when you are really on a roll.

So, I’m thankful for the community of well spoken, sharp witted men that I’ve nosed around with vicariously through the internet over the past year and the wisdom I’ve gleaned from them. I’m more confident and self aware than I’ve ever been and that alone has been worth the ride thus far.

I’m sure I’ll be posting more about this topic as moving day gets closer. I’m interested in getting these thoughts out and seeing where they go.

Contributing To Personal Debt and Unemployment With a College Degree

You’re wasting your time and money on paying for classes in college to study things that will leave you thousands of dollars in debt and working in a library.

Speaking of, you should have just picked up the reading list from those classes, headed to the county library, and learned the material for free so you could spend time doing something that won’t leave your local community having to support you through the welfare system…or in the case of a couple of my friends, depending on your boyfriend/husband to not lose his well paying job so that he can pay down your debt for you.

It may be the male equivalent of a rationalization hamster spinning, but I’m often glad I left college after three semesters. I’m more focused on how to make money and have the drive to do what needs to be done to get it. What I see happening in my friends, whose ages range from early twenties to mid thirties – mostly female, is them just rolling through picking up classes and piling on the debt thinking that just because they went to school that they won’t end up back at the coffee shop, or that they’ll have a reason to leave their nanny job.

But what is a good reason to go to college now? It’d be nice to say I had earned something for my short time there ten years ago but instead I dropped out, moved 2000 miles away from home, and traveled the country playing music. I’m a little more tied down now but I still have the ability to go out an earn money doing what I want if I manage my time and resources the right way.

I may be getting the itch to do something wild and what’s to stop me?

Support In Mala Fide

I like books but dammit I am quite a cheapskate. Add on top of that I like to keep things minimal in my abode and while I’d like to keep a certain type of book on a shelf for decoration, I don’t want to end up looking like some of my bibliophile friends whose apartments are littered with books they may one day get around to reading.

In June 2011 I bought Athol’s Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. It’s a book I’ll be passing on to my married friends. Great content. It plunged me into the archives of his blog and learned about all the other characters writing in the manosphere. I had a very eye opening experience gazing into the very real world of women, sex, pickup, psychology, misogyny, misandry, racism, classism, and how easy it would have been for me to bang all the girls I was pining for in my early twenties.

Here we are in the modern age and great people can write something and get it out to me on a kindle (or other e-reader) without me having to drop $30 on something I may not want to have physically laying around my place after I’m done with it. I’m finding great content for under $10 and I don’t have to invest in the paper.

Frost has done it with his lifestyle guide and so does The Chef In Jeans has his archetypal dinner date.

Ferd at In Mala Fide has two offerings for you that are at the easy price points of $0.99 and $1.49 that should be added to your digital collection post haste. You’ll be supporting the major dark hub of internet evil that we all know and love and I’m plenty fine with that.

The good news is if you donate at least $10 of support to I.M.F. you’ll get Frost’s Freedom Twenty-Five Lifestyle Guide as well.

Click here for all of the details …It’s almost like a local NPR pledge drive but more or less with sex involved.

I’ve bought all items mentioned above without any reason to speak about them other than I want my brethren to better themselves as I have.

And I fully expect you to as well.